| A TWICE WEEKLY SERIAL OF BIG TOP FOLK BY
SIMON PARKE |
|
EPISODE 28
NORMAL FOR NETTLEBY
The Fiery Fernandos are also good value in the fairground, which becomes a shrine for every spotty teenager for miles around. High on cheap cider and despair, they roam the circus surrounds like New York gangs; immortal and bad.
"We have ourselves a zit-fest," says Samantha to Davido.
"Has Young Lee been cloned? Or do all spotty teenagers look the same?"
"They do say the area is big on incest. NFN is well understood on assessment forms in these parts."
"Meaning what?"
"Normal for Nettleby." Everything's relative."
And somehow, at the heart of it all, are the Fiery Fernandos. They aren't Spanish or anything; they are brothers from Bournemouth, on the south coast. Eager to escape the abuse of a Catholic priest, they found a new life eating fire. They possess bucketloads of danger; an intriguing sense of dysfunction, and they don't give a shit about anything.
"How d'you do that then?" asks one zitmeister, after the Fernandos blow the most enormous flames across the field. Yes, they are fire-breathers as well as fire-eaters.
"I hold the flame, and spray it with my breath," says Danny, the older of the two. "Want to try it?"
"Naahh!"
"It's simple!"
And with that, he blows a dangerously billowing flame towards Zitty.
"Fuckin' 'ell!" says the boy, staggering backwards.
His friend then asks how they do it.
"Shape of the mouth," says Ronan. "Like playing the trumpet. Ever played a trumpet?"
He's barely made toast, let alone play the trumpet.
"You need to keep the hole nice and thin," says Ronan. "A thin spray, keep it nice and fine, or the fire will come and find you. Know what I mean?"
"And watch the wind," says Danny. "Wind direction is important."
"So what's in your mouth to make the spray?"
"Paraffin is best, my friend; low flash-point, paraffin."
Burt watches with a smile; Teresa collects money from the stalls; the roundabout dances; Georgio does some pre-show contortionist tricks – and you know what? It was like the circus had never gone out of fashion.
"Glad I made the phone call now?" says Burt to Teresa.
She gives him one of her looks.
More clowning around |
