| A TWICE WEEKLY SERIAL OF BIG TOP FOLK BY
SIMON PARKE |
|
EPISODE 27
BEING WANTED
The arrival of the Fiery Fernandos has a significant effect on Burt Turtle's Amazingly Big Top. For a start, Nettleby is suddenly interested! They do some fire-work in the market place, and two days later the school asks them in, insisting on acrobats as well. The head, from being a sniffy old cow the previous week, is now all honey and charm as she gushes down the phone:
"I was just telling the children about Lenin's take on the circus."
"Really?" says Burt, not giving a toss.
"Yes, it was he who declared his wish – in 1919 I believe – that the circus become 'the people's art form' in Russia! He then gave them facilities to compare with their theatres!"
"Well, I wouldn't know about that, Miss Todd."
"You're not quite the Moscow State Circus, of course!"
Bunch of woofters in Burt's book.
"Yet in your own small way, you keep the flame of people's art alive!"
Patronising bitch.
"You will send us your finest, won't you?"
"It will be a pleasure, ma'am."
The school children go mad; the Nettleby News carries the story on Thursday, and Friday brings the strangest thing of all: a phone call from the Reverend Smiles, asking if the Fernandos might do a demonstration at the church on Sunday:
"It's about swallowing our fears!" says the vicar, to a surprised Burt. He hasn't spoken with a priest for nigh on 30 years and he remembers the last occasion well: he was denounced as "the spawn of Satan" and "Beelzebub's ball", for opening up on a Sunday.
"Well, we'd like to help if we can, reverend."
"It would be so wonderful; so uplifting."
"It's normally a day of rest for many of our folk, of course."
He crossed himself as he spoke this lie.
"Oh, just this once, please. Sabbath's made for man; not man for the Sabbath!"
"Let me speak with them."
"Come in the evening. There's a joint service involving seven local villages."
"Seven local villages?"
"Yes, it's a right old shindig! The world and his wife! Or 'partner', as we say these days!"
Seven local villages? The prospect of all that free advertising was almost a religious experience for Burt.
"We'll be there, reverend."
And so they were, in the front row, singing, "The day thou gavest Lord has ended"; but knowing the Nettleby visit had really just begun.
More clowning around |
