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May 19, 2009
Going to the Garden of Sadness
I've had a difficult few days, sad days, pain filled May days.
I call them May days, but they don't always happen in May. This is because when I look back in my journals I find the gate to Garden of Sadness is often left ajar at this time.
Two out of the three of my baby daughters that died have May Birthdays, so I understand the tears and pain associated with the remembering of their short little lifes, the utter emptiness I felt and the confusion as somehow I tried to make sense of something that made no sense and if I am honest still doesn't.
But the May days are more than this, they take me to the places I want to avoid, to preparing to let go of people I care for now places, I'm not even sure why, sometimes I feel it would be better not to go to these places, it's like causing myself pain for no reason and why do that? maybe it would be better just to deal with things as they come.
But something inside tells me that it is important for me to do this, even though I don't fully understand, It's kind of letting go of people in order to love them well if that makes any kind of sense.
On Sunday I went for a walk and picked up a fallen bloom for each person in my life now whom I am attached to and one at a time I let them fall into a small pond along with my tears, I not sure if I'm any less attached and I still love them very much, but the pain inside has lessened and maybe that's what the going to the Garden of Sadness is all about.
Just releasing the pain we all carry inside.
Posted by Shelliz at May 19, 2009 02:28 PM